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A Song for Today

Last night Baby Boy and I had a rough evening while Hubs worked on our A/C unit. Baby Boy wouldn’t eat dinner, he fussed and fussed, he continues to refuse a sippy cup and will only drink his milk in a bottle. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera… It all made me feel like I was going to explode and then of course after I put him down for bed I felt guilty for being so short tempered and cried on Hubs when he finally came in for the evening. And then I woke up still low today. I had to drag myself out of the bed. I cried on the way to daycare. I was late to work. A million thoughts are running through my mind telling me I’m deficient; that I’m simply not good enough. All this when I just thought I was in the clear. It’s been a month since my last mood disturbance so I let myself think I was “better.” I pray this is just a blip in the radar. Maybe I just need a really good night’s sleep, after all, it’s been three nights in a row that my sleep has been disrupted.

But until I feel myself again, I have to put on “the mask.” I’m a supervisor, and supervisors aren’t allowed to be this way in front of their staff. My direct reports don’t know I have a mood disorder so they probably think I’m crazy, never knowing what to expect…

I’ll leave you with a song. It came up on my playlist this morning on the ride into the office. The feelings it conveys perfectly reflects my state this morning.

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4 thoughts on “A Song for Today

  1. In every job I’ve had, I’ve had to put on “the mask” – it’s SO hard to do that, and I admire you for showing up to work. (Just getting out the door, especially when you need to drop off your little one @ daycare, is difficult enough as it is. )

    Please give yourself lots of credit for all you’re doing despite this “blip” which will pass. Hopefully you’ll get better sleep tonight – that will make a huge difference!!!!

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    • Hi Dyane, thanks for the pat on the back. 🙂 I’m happy to say that after talking to a trusted colleague who knows about my bipolar, and focusing on getting some work done, I’m feeling better. It was a blip, and tonight I will be prioritizing sleep.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry that you had a rough go of it last night! It’s so difficult to keep our tempers when the little ones are fussing. Best of luck with your AC unit and prioritizing sleep tonight!

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