Yesterday I took a mental health day. I don’t take too many of these since I need to save my leave as much as possible. (You never know when your child is going to get sick!) However, by midday on Sunday I knew I needed some time to myself. I experienced more fits/seizures and mood disturbances over the weekend. One big contributor was the state of our house. It had been neglected for some time, because, well, you know, life… it just happens. It was as if the clutter was assaulting my senses. It compounded my feelings of being overwhelmed and overstimulated. Instead of my home feeling like a place of relaxation and restoration it was making my mood disturbances worse. And it wasn’t just affecting me. It was making Hubs and Baby Boy feel bad, too. We were all just so cranky from it all…
So off to work went Hubs, and off to daycare went Baby Boy. I didn’t let my mama guilt get me on this. If I had gone to work he would have been in daycare anyway. Plus, I can’t seem to ever get any cleaning done with him in tow, and this was as much for him as it was for me. I spent the day cleaning. I started at one end of the house and worked my way to the other end. I even finished all the laundry! I know it seems counter intuitive that cleaning would be good for the mind. No, I don’t enjoy cleaning, especially extended bouts of cleaning, but I needed everything cleared out so that I could be at peace in my own home. (And it worked! When Hubs came home he said it felt like coming home to a new house.) The day at home cleaning also meant I spent a day to just myself, with only my thoughts and my favorite tunes to keep me company. I didn’t have anyone tugging on me or asking me for anything. It was so nice to just be responsible for myself for a little while.
In the afternoon, I went to therapy. I needed it. I was on the verge of tears for probably half my session. We talked about all the things bothering me – the daily struggle to maintain without my meds, pregnancy (both with Baby Boy and my hope for another child), my guilt over my moods affecting Baby Boy, my weight and difficulty with my wardrobe not fitting, my bookkeeping coursework and the feelings of self-doubt with such dense material, the dramas at work, and the sudden lack of time to just hang out with Hubs, to exercise, to get enough sleep or to journal. I fully acknowledged, though, that I’m not as bad off as I was in the fall. It is spring/summer after all. If it was cold and dark out, I would be worse. She validated all of my feelings on these issues but reassured me I’m handling these issues better than I have in the past and that I will get through this.
And today, I went back at work, and am feeling more level headed. A day invested in my mental well being paid off.